Washing a Giant

Giants have to put out their washing too you know?

Potential Giant Sighting!

Tensions seems to be growing around the West Berkshire countryside with more and more unexplained happenings including these experiences by a local farmer:

“My tractor is usually so reliable but then yesterday morning it just wouldn’t start. When I looked under the bonnet the engine was gone! The ground was littered with bits of it, like something huge had tried to eat it and then spat it out all over the field.”

“Later I saw something hiding behind my barn and when I went to investigate, all the hay bales had moved. It was like they’d been laid out like a huge bed. Then my cows charged across the field - they seemed really spooked by something.”

Giant Tracker David Biggs:
“This is classic giant behaviour – curious, clumsy but also very shy. I wouldn’t be surpirised at all if there was a giant loose in those hills!”

If you spot a giant around Berkshire or see anything strange that could be explained by giant activity, please get in contact with us here at Giant Watch.

Signs in the Landscape

An ancient Yew Tree thought to be over 1000 years old stands in Aldworth churchyard. The tree has been struck by lightning several times over the centuries but its curious shape and strange disfigurement could hint at some altercations with the Aldworth Giants during its lifetime.

The Berkshire Giant Prophecy

Statement form The Ancient Order of the Elk, an order of druids based in and around Berkshire:

West Berkshire take heed as on Sunday 17th June 2012, an ancient prophecy will be fulfilled and once again Giants will walk the Earth. We, The Ancient Order of the Elk, have seen many signs in the wind, the trees and via communication with the most mythical and beautiful of all woodland creatures, the elk, that in Aldworth village, on this given date, a Giant who has been buried within the walls of the church will rise up from a 600 year slumber.


Man has long forgotten the truth about Giants, preferring to paint them as crude, violent animals, and so we feel it imperative that people relearn and remember the truth about Giants. When he awakes, this magical creature will be tired, hungry and confused, he may even lash out in confused desperation but please hold in your mind that he is nothing to fear. In contrast to their size, Giants are gentle, shy creatures that will be far more fearful of us than we are of him and he must be protected.


The Ancient Order of the Elk will do everything in our power to help this incredible creature but we will need your help. Please congregate at Aldworth Church on Sunday 17th June to aid in the protection and preservation of this most rare and wonderful Giant.

Queer Noises at Aldworth Church

Over the past week or so, there have been reports of reoccurring strange noises and rattling inside St Mary’s Church in Aldworth, West Berkshire. One woman described the sounds as an odd, deep rumbling and another claimed they could hear a strange muffled voice gently singing along to a hymn during a recent Christening. The church’s caretaker also claims to have heard eerie scraping sounds most afternoons.

Legend tells of a Giant know as John Ever Afraid who was buried inside the church’s walls over 600 years ago but so far no connection has been made.

Evidence of Giants at Grim’s Ditch

Across the Downs end near Aldworth and Streatley, there is a long ditch that, legend has it, was ploughed in one night by the Devil. However, a more plausible explanation for this strange geographic feature is Giant activity as the creatures are well documented as landscape architects.

Historical Evidence of Giants

Thomas Hearne – 18th century Oxford aniquarian:

"With respect to the milliaria between Aldworth and Streatley, I have lately been informed that one of these stones of gigantic size was formerly to be seen in the middle of a field near Kiddington, about a mile west of Streatley. The occupier of the farm removed this immense stone, with a team of eight horses, to a more convenient spot about a quarter of a mile distant, where to this day it still remains. The story that it was thrown hither by one of the GIANTS is still told, and as implicitly believed by the common people; who say, further, that the print of the giant's hand, made when he grasped the stone, may yet be distinctly seen!"

The BFG – Giant Fact or Giant Fiction?

Roald Dahl’s giant in The BFG is probably closer to the reality of Giants than many people realise and it wouldn’t surprise me if Dahl himself met a real Giant in his lifetime to base his famous book around.

Most Giants, including The BFG, are benevolent, kind and operate in the strictest secrecy. The fact the BFG can hear and collect dreams though is frankly ridiculous.

Giant Film Reviews

Resident Giant expert Terry Gold takes us through some Giant related DVD's available to rent through your local video store or through the portals of the internet. First up, we have.

BIG

This is the kind of misleading title that gets my blood boiling. I was expecting a tale about a giant causing havoc in middle America. Cars being chucked around, power lines falling on railways, a comely lass in an evening dress hiding under a small bridge. Instead it’s about a boy who puts a penny in a magic slot machine and turns into an adult of decidedly average size played by actor Tom Hanks. There is absolutely nothing Big nor clever about this film. Thumbs down.

GULLIVERS TRAVELS

Having studied the DVD cover intently, I was struck by the image of an oversized man being tied up and terrorised by tiny people. This, I thought, would be a sensitive study into the challenges of being a giant adrift in a modern world that reacts with fear and violence instead of peace and tolerance towards our oversized bretheren. It wasn't that. What is was, was total rubbish.

TROLL HUNTER

Now we're talking. This was flipping brilliant! I'll admit I'm biased. I was an advisor on this film and, despite a few factual inaccuracies (the Troll Hunter failed to use cross ply tyres on the Land Rover for example - the kind of mistake that had us all laughing into our popcorn buckets), I’m pleased to report that the makers took on board many of my suggestions, which, in my humble opinion, resulted in a well researched and gripping tale. Trolls are much more stupid than Giants though - and I would only ever recommend shooting an angry one with a vapourising gun as a last resort. From my experience in the Fjords, a thermos flask of milky tea and a packet of bourbon biscuits placed in the path of a charging Troll usually keeps them occupied long enough for you to retreat to a safe distance without any unecessary carnage.

The Legend of the Aldworth Giants

Throughout history, there have been many stories told of giants roaming the West Berkshire landscape – the most famous of which is the tale of John Ever Afraid.

Inside St Mary’s Church in Aldworth there are several stone effigies made in honour of a family of giants who once lived in the fields surrounding the town. The giants were known as John Long, John Strong and John Never Afraid. There was a fourth giant called John Ever Afraid but he was buried inside the walls of the church.

Legend has it that 600 years ago John Ever Afraid sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for worldly riches. The bargain was that the Devil would claim his soul whether John Ever Afraid was buried inside or outside the church and so burying his body within the church walls meant that the Devil was cheated of his prize.

Some Things Giants love Doing

Rolling down dew soaked hills

Collecting different types of mud

Hiding

Scratching their backs on big rocks

Splashing through streams

Singing with birds

Bending trees into funny shapes